It may be the last thing on your mind during the excitement of wedding planning but, it is important to take the time to sit down with your partner and discuss the sometimes not-so-fun topics of your future. Although it can be awkward, having these conversations will help to set you up for a successful marriage-but don’t take our word for it. We sat down with relationship specialist, Lara Edington MA, CPC, to find out the 7 conversations every couple should have before getting married!
Don’t let one of the top reasons for divorce in the U.S. plague your happy future. Decide early how you will bank: separate, combined, or a combination. “Couples should discuss goals for their financial future, such as; savings, retirement, life insurance, debt pay off, etc.” Edington said. Keep these heavy questions about the future & retirement light by staying open and positive. FYI we heard Jimmy Buffett is opening a Margaritaville Retirement Home… #GOALS
2. Intimacy & Sex Life
We all have different ways we want to be shown love. It is important to express what you need to be shown love-personally, I am all about surprise dates. Being on the same page about how you will spend your time is also important. After the wedding day excitement, couples can feel like day to day life is boring. “Plan for this by developing a list of fun date nights or weekend trips to keep things exciting and spicy,” Edington said.
And then there is the conversation about sex…
Consider asking questions such as:
- How often is enough for both partners?
- Are there any other needs that the other partner has that have never been discussed?
You have probably talked about whether you want a mini version of yourself (AKA the cutest thing ever) running around at some point in your lives. Failing to discuss some of the nitty gritty details ahead of time can lead to disagreements down the road. When having a conversation about children, Edington suggests asking questions such as:
- If you want them?
- How many?
- Will both parents work or will one stay home or a combination of both?
- What spirituality will they practice if any?
4. The Presence of Family and Friends
How much time is spent with family and friends, especially the in-laws, can cause tension between couples. Make sure to talk about what you want holidays & vacations to look like to avoid disagreements later. You definitely don’t want to miss out on a gift from Santa because you have been arguing-I hear he makes his list pretty early.
Before marriage, you definitely need to decide if it is ok to keep in touch with all your exes that live in Texas. You may want to stay friends with exes, but your partner may not appreciate that relationship. In most cases, double dates are probably not going to be on your social calendar.
“Social Media has become a growing issue in marriages & should absolutely be discussed and agreed upon before the marriage,” Edington said. Consider asking these questions about how you will use social media in your relationship:
- How much social media time is too much?
- When is it appropriate?
- Should you have designated “unplugged” times?
7. Goals for the Future
In the first years of marriage, career paths and the purchase of a home can create issues if there was never a discussion about future plans. Edington suggests, at the very least, couples discuss:
- The possibility of job transfers that could lead to moving to another city.
- Is moving away from family an absolute no or negotiable?
- When and where they would like to move or buy a home.