As a woman myself, I can admit that sometimes, when we ladies get together, drama can indeed ensue. Add to that mixture an emotionally charged situation (like a wedding) and a not-so-concealed contest of favorites (like choosing the maid of honor), and you almost certainly will get a few raised eyebrows and whispers occurring when your back turns. This is why choosing the ring-leader of your bridal party can definitely cause a bit of stress for Tennessee brides!
If you’re worried about this, you’re not alone. Weddings carry with them all the joys of the world but are also often fringed by touchy wedding situations – which is what this series is all about. Whether the mother of the groom has announced she’s wearing white to your wedding, a long-lost friend assumes he or she is invited to your celebration, or you’re opting out of hosting children at your wedding, these and other details can (and often do) get borderline dramatic. Never fear, though. This series will help you navigate the rocky waters before you crack under the added stress!
Whether you have a bridesmaid who’s practically already volunteered herself for the position of Maid of Honor, or you’ve got someone who’s decided you either ask her or reap the sorrows of your mistake, this can sometimes get a little hairy. I have three suggestions to keep in mind when it comes to making this decision that may help you stave off any ensuing drama before it begins. Read on for details!
1. Announce your decision by alluding that you chose her for her pro organizing and multi-tasking skills.
The lady you choose may, in fact, be your favorite, but it goes without saying that you shouldn’t state this fact to the others! By stating that you chose her for her mad organizing and multi-tasking skills, you take emphasis from the idea that you may like her better than the other ladies, thereby reducing the possibility of hurt feelings.
The maid of honor has the biggest amount of tasks of any of your bridesmaids. She serves to organize events surrounding your big day and keep the rest of the maids in-the-know about what’s occurring, when, in addition to helping you keep track of all the little wedding details. You’ll want to make sure your MOH has the capability, drive and time to do all of this, so don’t choose lightly. Also, your MOH will be by your side more than anyone else both before and during the wedding day, so you’ll naturally want to choose someone you’re very close to, whom you trust implicitly, and who is always punctual. Choosing your maid of honor is in fact a bit of a game of favorites, but that’s certainly not all it is. It’s a strategic move in my opinion; the more detail-oriented, organized, and personally invested she is, the less likely you’ll end up begging people to help you with small tasks around your big day. Let’s face it, ladies: brides can’t do everything by themselves. That’s what the bridal entourage is for! Choose a MOH that will lead them fearlessly through all the little ups and downs of the process.
2. Just because you were someone else’s MOH or you promised someone when you were three that she could have the coveted title at your wedding does not require you to actually act on it.
You do not owe someone else the title of MOH just because you were enlisted as hers, nor do you have to honor a childhood promise if it’s not been mentioned for decades. Again, choose your MOH wisely, and don’t base your decision on potential hurt feelings or a givesy-takesy mentality seen on kindergarten playgrounds. This is your wedding day!
3. Choose the ladies around you carefully to begin with!
I’ve said this more times than I can even count: think before you ask. Are you really close to the lady you’re thinking about asking? Do you see this friend being a part of your future? Are you only asking out of guilt or because you want an even number of attendants on each side? Do you know her well enough to understand how she’ll react to stressful situations? Is she invested in your relationship, or more of an I’ll-come-to-your-party-if-I-don’t-get-invited-to-someone-else’s-later kind of girl? All of these questions and more should be things you consider before you ask your future maids. After all, these ladies will be in every wedding picture and memory from your day, and they’ll be with you for so much surrounding this stressful event in your life. Choose them wisely so that you’re not miserable the entire time!
Doing so will help you minimize drama to begin with, and if you’ve got a mature group of ladies on your hands, you likely won’t have to deal with any angst surrounding who you choose as your MOH in the first place.
For the record: I’ve seen some pretty dramatic scenarios of walk-outs and other immature and unexpected behaviors when brides choose their MOH, and while not the norm, it’s important to think through the scenario before it happens. If this occurs, let the maid cool off for a week or so. Know that you are not the person to blame in the situation. Try not to make it worse by cutting the maid off from the wedding immediately, though, as tempting as it may be. You obviously asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place because you value her friendship, and you won’t want to destroy that. Instead, attempt to contact her in a week or so to figure out what may have been happening in her world to cause such a reaction. Sometimes, it’s all just a misunderstanding and will never happen again. However, if she’s openly hostile to you afterwards, use your own judgment. You certainly don’t need a source of anger or drama that close to you on the biggest day of your life, and she might be just as relieved as you to get a pass on the position.
Do you have another touchy wedding situation you need help with? Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org to tell me about it, and you just might find your situation covered in the next installment of the series!
Images courtesy of Knoxville wedding photography company Lauren Blankenship Photography.